


This Isn't Goodbye

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Extended Scene, Friendship, Gen, Goodbyes, JJ leaves the BAU, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, One Shot, Sad Spencer Reid, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: The lump in his throat refused to go away. His whole body felt numb and he felt his breaths coming faster and faster and he couldn’t stop thinking: they can’t take her away.There had to be something they could do.----Spencer takes JJ leaving pretty hard. After saying goodbye to the team, JJ goes back to talk to him. [Extended/slightly-divergent scene from s06e02]
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid
Kudos: 47





	This Isn't Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> The scene where JJ says goodbye to the team had absolutely no right to fuck me up as much as it did. I couldn't get over how DESTROYED Reid looked, so I wrote the extended scene.

_They can’t just take her away._ There had to be something. Spencer sat at his desk, combing through FBI procedure and employment policies and trying to ignore the quick, erratic pounding of his heart. JJ couldn’t leave, she _couldn’t_ , because if she did he would see her less and less until eventually he wouldn’t see her at all, and any version of his life without JJ in it was unacceptable. The lump in his throat refused to go away. His whole body felt numb and he felt his breaths coming faster and faster and he couldn’t stop thinking: _they_ can’t _take her away._

There had to be something they could do.

\---

JJ dropped her report on Strauss’ desk with a heavy sigh. The barely-concealed pain on the teams’ faces was burned into her mind; try as she might, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Spencer’s face was the worst to think about. The ever-so-slight quiver in his lip, the look in his eyes, like he was lost at sea and didn’t know how to get back to dry land… it was all she could do not to cry right then and there. She hated that she was doing this to him; he’d lost so much, and even though she knew he didn’t blame her, she still felt bad. 

She walked into the bullpen and stopped suddenly. It was dark, mostly, empty except for one skinny figure hunched over at his desk, intensely focused on his computer screen and the books in front of him. She could hear his shaky breaths in the quiet of the empty room, and it made her _ache_ knowing he was hurting because of her. 

Everyone liked to joke that Spencer Reid was a robot because of how brilliant he was, and how he could quote random facts on command. But the truth of it was, Spencer’s emotions ran deep, right to the core of his psyche. He felt everything intensely, wearing his heart on his sleeve in a way that was almost child-like in its innocence. He often tried to shield himself behind his smarts, so people wouldn’t see just how big his heart really was. But sometimes, when he let his guard down, there was no filter and everything he was feeling was on display for anyone to see. 

JJ walked over to his desk, her heart thudding as she watched him. Reid hadn’t heard her yet-- he was too wrapped up in what he was doing. He often did this, getting so wrapped up in a problem that he lost track of time. He could spend hours poring over something in a near-manic frenzy.

She walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing softly. He was tense all over and shaking slightly. He blinked and peered up at her, and JJ swallowed the lump in her throat as she saw his eyes shining with unshed tears. “Spence?”

Spencer looked down at the floor, his expression looking so completely lost that it broke JJ’s heart. “They can’t just take you away. There’s gotta be something we can do. I’ve been looking through our contracts…” His voice trailed off quietly, and she hated the slight tremble in it. She knelt in front of him, tilting his chin up to meet her eyes. 

“Spence.” Her voice was soft, her hand coming up to hold onto his. “It’ll be okay.” 

A lone tear trailed down his face, and JJ felt her eyes watering despite her attempts to fight her own tears. “It’s not fair.” His voice broke on the last word, and the childlike tone of his voice broke her heart. He wiped at his eyes, taking a shuddering breath before meeting her eyes again. “Am I still gonna see you? And Henry?” His voice sounded so _small_ , and it was a tone she’d never heard before. 

She closed her eyes, squeezing his hand softly. He was right: it _wasn’t_ fair. This was never supposed to happen, not if she could help it. Spencer Reid had lost so many people close to him. First his father, when he was ten, then his mother, gradually over the years and then all at once when she was institutionalized. How could he think she would let him lose her too? “Of course. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“But… we travel so much, and we’ll both be busy, and statistically speaking-” 

“Spence, stop.” He was fighting to get the words out, and it was physically painful to watch. “That’s _not_ going to happen, okay? I promise. We will _never_ stop being friends.” 

His lip was still trembling, but he managed a small smile, even though it didn’t reach his eyes. He nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and she smiled back at him. “C’mere.” 

JJ pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his still-tense frame as he buried his head in her shoulder. Spencer’s arms came up to hug her back, squeezing as if he never wanted to let go. They sat there for some time, him taking deep breaths against her shoulder and her rubbing soothing circles across his back. 

Eventually, he pulled back, looking down at his feet again and running a hand through his hair. “ ‘M gonna miss you.” He mumbled it so softly that JJ almost didn’t hear him. 

She grabbed his hand again. “I know. Me too. But Hotch is hopeful that it won’t be forever.” He perked up at that, his eyes lighting up and his lips slightly curling into a real smile. She _really_ hoped that Hotch would come through; she wouldn’t be able to stand it if she gave him false hope on top of everything else. 

JJ gave him a small smile before standing up, pulling Reid to his feet along with her. “Come on, genius boy. We’re gonna go get a drink.” Truthfully, she just wanted to get him out of the office; she knew he would stay here all night if she didn’t bring him home. She’d caught him spending nights in the bullpen in the days after the Hankel incident, she wasn’t about to let that happen again. But as she said it, she realized they hadn’t actually hung out outside of work in a while, and she couldn’t say no to his answering smile. 

They made their way to the elevator and as they reached the door of the bullpen, JJ turned to look back one more time. Hope, frustration, despair and resignation were coursing through her in equal measure. _This won’t be forever. It can’t be._


End file.
